在学习说英语的过程中，你可以尝试使用一个简单的情商技巧来增强影响力并展现同理心。那就是：用“We”（我们）替代“You”（你）。

举个例子。如果你想问：“How will you fix this problem?” （你准备怎么解决这个问题？）

你应该说：“How will we fix this problem?” （我们应该怎么解决这个问题？）

这是因为，说“你”会激起他人的防御反应。想象一下，如果你在工作中犯了错，经理指着你说：“What should you do about this?” （你现在要怎么办？）这时情况越紧急，激起的负面效果就会越强。

反之，领导者可以通过改变用辞来展现EQ和同理心，可以说：“What should we do about this?” （我们应该怎么办？）这样的表达更具包容性，显示出领导者一起解决问题的意愿。

心理学和脑科学研究表明，特定情境下，使用“你”会刺激大脑情感中枢，激发战斗或逃跑反应。在我们的大脑中，杏核体决定一种情况是好的，坏的，还是可怕的。如果大脑判断我们在面对威胁，就会激活压力反应，使血液快速进入肌肉、呼吸加快、及释放一系列荷尔蒙。

问题是，有时我们的身体会因感受危险而过度反应。这时大脑活动发生得很快，我们自己几乎不会察觉。这就是为什么人们会在看似平常的对话中，做出不理智的反应。

无论其他人如何反应，展示同理心总是领导者角色的一部分。我经常听到别人的反馈，说把“You”换成“We”，就会改变对话的走势。事实的确如此，而且我们应该有目的地去这么做。作为领导者，我总希望使用包容性的语言，让他人放下警惕，从而促进合作。我明白有人更愿意说得简单直接，但在领导力英语中，发挥EQ、并用同理心交流的技能是非常值得赞许的。

下面是更多使用这个技巧的例子：

你: “What did you do to cause this situation?” （你怎么搞成这样？）

我们: “How did we end up in this situation?” （我们怎么遇到这种情况了？）

你: “You should do it this way.” （你应该这么做。）

我们: “Here’s how we could approach this.” （我们应该这样着手。）

你: “I feel mad when you talk to me like this.” （你这么跟我说话，我要生气了。）

我们: “When we talk like this, I can feel mad.” （我们这么交流，会让我生气。）

感觉到两个版本间的微妙差别了吗？我知道，用英语表达出这个效果可能会很难。但只要留心和练习，你很快就能在交流中使用EQ和同理心。

请往下拉阅读Ed亲笔的英文原文。

English with EQ and Empathy: “We” vs. “You”

While learning to speak English, you can increase your influence by using a simple emotional intelligence technique. Instead of the word “You,” demonstrate empathy by using the word “We.”

For example, instead of: “How will you fix this problem?”

You can say: “How will we fix this problem?”

The difference is that using the word “you” can put someone on the defensive. Imagine you have made a mistake at work and a manager points a finger at you saying, “What should you do about this?” This becomes more amplified depending upon the intensity of the situation.

On the other hand, a leader can demonstrate EQ and empathy by saying, “What should we do about this?” This conversation then becomes inclusive and shows the leader is willing to be, at least emotionally, part of the solution.

From a psychology and neuroscience perspective, certain “You,” phrases can trigger a flight or fight response in the emotional centers of our brains. More specifically, the amygdala is the part of our brains that judges whether a situation is good, bad or scary. If our brains perceive we are under threat, a stress response is activated. Blood immediately begins rushing to our muscles and breathing quickens, followed by a whole chain reaction of hormones follows.

The problem is our bodies can overreact to perceptions of danger. And these changes in our brain happen so quickly we don’t recognize them. This is the reason people seem to react irrationally in regular conversational situations.

Regardless of how others respond, it is the leader’s role to demonstrate empathy whenever possible. I often receive comments pointing out how switching “You” to “We” changes the context of a conversation. This is a correct observation and is intended. As a leader, I always want to be inclusive in my language to put others at ease and promote collaboration. I do recognize that many people prefer to be precise and direct. But when trying to speak leadership English, using EQ communication with empathy is a highly appreciated skill.

Here are some other examples of this skill in practice:

YOU: “What did you do to cause this situation?”

WE: “How did we end up in this situation?”

YOU: “You should do it this way.”

WE: “Here’s how we could approach this.”

YOU: “I feel mad when you talk to me like this.”

WE: “When we talk like this, I can feel mad.”

Notice the subtle nuances in each version? I realize when learning English this can be difficult to master. But with careful attention and practice, you can speak with EQ and empathy in no time.